


And Maybe, It's Okay

by Domba_Keju



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: ...if you squint, Alpha/Alpha, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Insecurity, M/M, Maybe there is a plot, Night thoughts, No Plot/Plotless, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, The Audacity???, This tag is not a LEGIT tag???, Where was I again, anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-10 17:26:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15954074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Domba_Keju/pseuds/Domba_Keju
Summary: It's 2 in the morning, and Jihoon was not sleeping. Night thoughts, they're always bad, ain't they? So Soonyoung told him to stop thinking, and feel instead. Really, that's all to it.But is it really okay?





	And Maybe, It's Okay

            Alpha did not have insecurities. That’s the stereotype.

            Alpha were strong, built to be a dominant, a natural leader. They were born with such qualities that made them treated as the top of the food chain called society. Indeed, they had little to no reason to be insecure.

            Alpha shouldn’t have _have_ insecurities, the only stereotype that Jihoon think _is_ logical and acceptable. The only stereotype that he wanted to fulfill, yet unable to. The voices inside his head would never let him.

            Even before he presented as an alpha, Jihoon found himself despising all the stereotypes that society addressed on secondary gender.

            ‘You should not talk back to Alpha.’

            Bah.

            ‘Betas are ordinary, not special, not worth your attention. They are cameos.’

            Fuck that, for Jihoon _does_ know a handful of ordinarily great Betas that’s more than just a cameo.

            ‘Omegas are fragile, prized possession that should be protected for their capability of reproducing.’

            _Meh._ The stereotype maker must had not meet his mother yet. His mother, a woman that’s as fragile as sturdy rock, yet treated by his father like the most beautiful, wonderful human she is. Just how a husband supposed to treat his wife, like a human. Not possession!

            So when people around him start guessing his second gender, Jihoon thought, what a waste of time. No matter what gender he presented as, Jihoon thought, he will still be him.

            They said his possibility to be an Omega was high, for his mother was one. Plus, his lack of height and soft features fit the stereotypes just right.

            Or maybe a Beta? For Omega was just as rare as Alpha, it’s not strange if he was presented as Beta. _It_ never was, for Beta _are_ always, condemned as ordinary.

            No one predicted him to be an alpha, despite his father being one. Why? Simple: He didn’t fit the Alpha’s stereotypes. His physique didn’t look like one, as simple as that. His pale complexion and short stature made people missed his slowly matured, sharp jaw, broad shoulder and tight, lean muscles.

            Thanks to that, Jihoon gained a rather peculiar satisfaction from watching the baffled expression people showed when they know his second gender: Alpha.

            Jihoon had been breaking Alpha’s stereotypes since day one like a routine activity, almost like a hobby. From physical appearance, behaviour, until having a crush on another Alpha and eventually dating the aforementioned man. The list kept growing and Jihoon had no plan of stopping. Again, he felt a peculiar satisfaction from doing so, a strange sense of being uncontrollable.

            ‘Isn’t it also one of Alpha’s trait? Being the controller, and despising the very idea of being controlled.’

            _Oh well._

            Though, there’s one stereotype that Jihoon didn’t want to break. Just one, for Soonyoung—

            “Hoonie,”

            His name was called in a hoarse voice, barely audible and heavily latched with sleep. But it’s Soonyoung, and he always had the unexplainable force to caught Jihoon’s attention, to snap him out from his train of thoughts. Whenever he want his attention, the older only need to do one thing: Existing.

            “Yeah?” Ah, his voice was as hoarse as his lover’s.

            “You are not sleeping.”

            “Yeah, I’m not.”

            “It’s 2 a.m!”

            Jihoon can’t suppress his smile, not when Soonyoung make such a cute whiney sounds, pouting and glaring (trying to, at least,) at him with sleepy, puffy slanted eyes. Weird, as Jihoon recalled how he used to think the other’s whines was annoying. Well, then again that was before he heard Soonyoung’s bright, bright laugh.

            “Couldn’t help it,” he pulled their blanket higher, up to his chin. “Night thoughts.”

            It’s not the first time for Jihoon to see Soonyoung’s frown, or his worried stare, yet it still bring a sense of surrealness to him. That someone other than his parent care for him, that it was someone as wonderful as Soonyoung.

            _Did he really deserve him?_

            “A penny for your thought?”

            Instead of answering, the younger snuggled closer to his partner, hand reaching for Soonyoung’s arm to wrap himself in it.

            And Soonyoung let him as always, surrendering himself to be manhandled. He tilted his head so Jihoon can bury his nose on the place where his scent gland is. For he knew how much Jihoon _loves_ to be surrounded by his scent. For he knew he only need around slow, seventeen heartbeats until Jihoon answer with the usual answer when he was confronted about his habitual night thoughts.

            “Stuff.” A breath. “Works. Silly stuffs. Songs.” A beat. “You. Us.”

            Soonyoung was smiling against the top of his hair, Jihoon’s feeling it instead of seeing it. So he pulled away a bit in order to be able to see it. Again, he asked himself.

            _Did he really deserves him?_

            “I know I occupy your mind 24/7, babe,” a playful wink from Soonyoung, a playful eye roll from Jihoon. “But you need to sleep, so… stop thinking, please?”

            “What,” he snorted. “Did you really just asked me to stop existing?”

            “No?” Confusion was crystal clear on Soonyoung’s face. “I just asked you to stop thinking??”

            “Duh, Pumpkin,” this time Jihoon’s hand reached to squeeze Soonyoung’s cheek. “Don’t you know _cogito ergo sum?_ I think, thus I am?”

            _Thus I exist. But if you asked me to not to…_

            Jihoon choose to save the thought for another sleepless night. Tonight’s night thoughts reserved only for one question.

            _Did he **really**_ _deserves Soonyoung?_

            “Babe, you’re doing it again.”

            “Uh, what?”

            “Thinking, and zoning out. Also, you spend too much time with Wonwoo! What’s with that Socrates’ line out of nowhere?”

            “It’s not Socrates though?”

            “I knooow,” the adult sized hamster of his lover whined, and Jihoon can’t stop himself from squeezing Soonyoung’s cheek again. “And I know that that line is _so_ outdated! I believe _Sentio ergo sum_ is more valid.”

            “And you said _I’m_ the one who spend too much time with Wonwoo.” Jihoon laughed at the little ‘ _Hmph!_ ’ Soonyoung made. Softly, for whenever they’re entangled in a mess of limbs, covered in each other scent, their conversation always tuned into hushed whispers, reluctant to share them to the world.

            Why should they, when the world judged and criticized them for who they are, for who they love?

            _Fuck the world,_ Soonyoung once said.

            _Fuck the world indeed,_ Jihoon thought so too that time, but he instead said that he rather fuck Soonyoung.

            “So, _sentio_? What does that mean? I sleep thus I am? That’s very nice.”

            “Nooo!” Another whine, another squeeze on Soonyoung’s cheek. But this time Jihoon’s hand was covered by Soonyoung’s. He squeezed his hand, together with his heart. Softly, yet he found himself unable to breathe. “It means I feel, thus I am. So…”

            “So?”

            “Stop thinking, Ji. Just sleep.” Jihoon’s eyes keep darting from Soonyoung’s to the small circles he rubbed on his hand. “You won’t stop existing, you know that.”

            “Will I, really?”

            “Really.” A beat, another squeeze on his hand. “Please, Jihoonie. You need sleep. _Your bags have another bags!”_

            “My, charming ain’t they.” Jihoon snorted at the Spongebob reference. “But one can’t just easily stop thinking, pumpkin.”

            “Geez, are you that afraid of not existing?” Soonyoung’s whisper turned a little bit harsher, tickling his skin. “It’s not like you’ll go, _poof_ _!_ Into thin air!”

            “Mmn, maybe.” Soonyoung groaned, and Jihoon feel stupidly warm for that it was adorable.

            “Just— _feel_ instead ? I think that was easier to feel instead, it won’t hinder sleep as much as thinking. So you can sleep and exist still.”

            “You _think_.”

            “Wha—don’t turn my words like that!” Jihoon barked a silent laugh for seven beats, before asking, “What am I supposed to feel, then?”

            “Anything,” a soft exhale. “ Anything that help you sleep, babe.”

            “Like, sleepy?”

            “Yea, that might work.” Soonyoung’s hand moved to his back, pulling him even closer.”Or you can feel me.”

            “…you?”

            “Yea, like, my cheeks? You’re holding them now, so might as well. It counts as feeling, you know?” A beat, a soft smile. “Or my warmth. Or my love, for you.”

            Jihoon blinked once, twice, and the next beat he was kissing Soonyoung instead of counting. Melting in his warmth, drowning in the perfect mixture of their scent. He stopped thinking, brain filled with petrichor, rich soils, citrus and chocolate. Soonyoung, Soonyoung and only Soonyoung.

            “So…” Jihoon wondered why Soonyoung sounded as breathless as he was. “Can you feel it?”

            “Mmn,” He hummed as if he need to think first before answering. A peck, and a “yeah.”

            “Then, do you think you can sleep now?”

            “Yeah,” another peck, “I think I can.” More and more pecks.

            “Stop _thinking!_ ” Giggles erupted between them, “And sleep. Stop kissing me, you kissy monster!”

            “That’s you, Pumpkin.” If his counts was right, he had kissed Soonyoung for the thirteenth time. “And no, I still wanna feel your love.”

            “You’re such a sap.”

            “ _Your_ sap.” One peck.

            “So, sleep?”

            “…yes, sleep.” Two.

            “Finally. You really need it, I’ve told you.”

            “Mmn, you do.” Three. “Good night.”

            “Good night, I love you.”

            Four, last kiss for that night, seventeenth, and he finally let sleep take over all the cells in hs brain that was occupied previously by night thoughts.

            That night, Jihoon broke another Alpha’s stereotypes. _Alpha did not have insecurities_. But who is he to never ask his deserveness of Soonyoung? To never wonder will there be an end for them?

            So Jihoon let the insecurities fill his night thoughts, a reminder to never take Soonyoung for granted. It’s about Soonyoung anyway, not much different than his day thoughts.

            And he let himself to be insecure, to think too much, for that’s how he love. Soonyoung made him be like that, like _this_ , so why not?

            If throughout it all he could feel Soonyoung’s love, then of course it’s okay. He will still exist with all of his insecurities.

            It’s okay.

            “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> -Jihoon calls Soonyoung Pumpkin, so yea, guess what's his hair colour is.
> 
> -The insecurities... you know, the usual stuff. I decided against giving it too much detail because the narrator is Jihoon and he's, uh, a simple man.  
> \--And sleepy.  
> \--And was not writing lyrics. So, yea.  
> \--Also I'm trying to keep it lighthearted?? My friend was laughing as she read some part so I guess it worked.
> 
> -The very first time I shipped SoonHoon, I can't help but think they're Alpha/Alpha pair. That was, 2017? It's actually possible in real life, I'm talking about animal packs.  
> \--But no one had write it yet in AO3 so around, 3 months ago?? I started to wrote this.  
> \--Only to found that Alpha/Alpha tags is uncommon, wow, the audacity.  
> \--...Where am I again?
> 
> -English is obviously not my first language, I'm sorry for any error.
> 
> -I'm considering to write more about their dynamics as Alpha/Alpha pair? What do you think, should I or should I not?
> 
> Find me on twitter, @Nad_Domba


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